What If?
by smile-at-the-camera
Summary: Helen thinks about her past, all the way over to the time they'd injected the source blood, at the minutes before she walked into the time portal. Post Into The Black.


**A/N This idea was totally random. I found myself staring at the empty whiteboard and the babbling teacher, and practically nothing in mind. Good thing I had a notebook and a pencil to write with, and an idea stuck in mind for weeks, and a teacher talking about something rather confusing and boring. So, this is what I get for writing a Sanctuary fanfic in my math class, a detention and a math teacher asking about what I'm writing.**

**This has a little teslen smut in it. This story had been in my mind since I watched season three's Into The Black. That episode had been a total cliffhanger, and all of us are expecting a whole season, which will tell about the adventure of the Sanctuary crew, and explains about Helen's love life at 'Monsoon'.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Not the Sanctuary, it's characters, or the control over the episodes created. And those spelling and grammar mistakes were all mine.**

**Summary: Helen thinks about her past, all the way over to the time they'd injected the source blood, at the minutes before she walked into the time portal. Post Into The Black.**

The constantly beeping computer sounds were echoing from the tunnels down at Praxis, as she started thinking back on one and only mistake she'd ever did; the thing that caused the world to go this chaotic.

It's the source blood.

How could she have been so blind? So blinded by the world of science, till she risk another 4 people, and herself, to obtain knowledge.

She risked the way of four of her beloved ones live. And God knows, how many people had changed their lives, risk their lives, just for her.

She should've think clearly before injected the serum into each of them only to procure knowledge.

She shouldn't be that stupid and eager, to foolishly inject the damned blood into her, and the rest of her friends.

If she hadn't ever injected that blood, or ever found that blood, things wouldn't have gone this _messy_. She wouldn't have to burry her beloved ones, the ones she loved, and the ones she respects or trusts.

One of them was Ashley. Ashley. Nobody knew how much she regretted injecting the serum of the pure sample on untainted vampire blood. She travels all the way through the world to find the elixir the Mayans developed to make kings gifted with longevity live with a normal age. If she even hadn't found the blood, Ashley wouldn't be injected with it. If Ashley weren't injected by it, she would not get killed. She would not die.

The same thing happens to her. If Ashley wasn't the beloved daughter of Helen Magnus; one of the oldest living human, along with being a brilliant scientist and the leader of the whole Sanctuary Network, she would not be captured by the Cabal and inject her with the serum. If she hadn't injected the source blood, she and Ashley will have a normal family in the Oxford times, with normal lives and normal ages. They would just need to take care of the abnormals, and when she or Ashley died, they just need to pass the heritage to their offspring.

As her well-manicured nails scraped on the working laptop on the stone table inside one of Adam Worth's working _cave_, a thought crossed her mind.

Worth did all of this, basically caused, again, by the source blood.

How the bloody hell is that possible?

If she thought again, way back when Adam _almost_ caught her working with the serum of the source blood, and when he asked her about injecting the blood with_ miraculous abilities_ to her dying daughter, Imogene Worth.

He knew, if she injected the source blood to his daughter, she would live, and will not age like Helen Magnus and her other four colleagues are. And the revenge he had kept to her since the day his daughter fell too ill and died in his arms were now taken by compromising the ability of the Sanctuary Network, and also compromising her position.

He will try his best, to make her think and feel, what will happen if she saved his daughter from leukemia using the source blood. The Hollow Earth would still be one piece, and that the abnormals living in Praxis would not escape and make more chaos that the human had already made.

But at that time, she was in a compromising position. Imogene had too high temperature fever, and if she did her best to keep her alive for longer time. James had ever warned her at that time that Imogene's fever was too high, and that he couldn't give the medicine without risking her life. Adam had suggested her to use the source blood, which she never knows Adam knew about. She was too young to be injected by the source blood, and her young and also ill state of her body might not able to handle the effects of the source blood. Nonetheless, that bastard still blame her for his daughter's death.

James. That reminded her of James. If James hadn't injected himself with the source blood, she wouldn't have to see him die painfully caused by the broken machine that had kept him alive for more than a century. He had been a good friend of hers, and also a good ex-lover. If he hadn't injected himself with the blood, he wouldn't have to be the infamous Sherlock Holmes. He wouldn't need to take those bloody drugs he took. Of course, he took the drugs since he was way beyond frustrated to find out who was the person behind the nickname Jack The Ripper was. He was depressed, every time a lady of night was killed with slit on the throat, every time he received a letter written by blood, and had the name 'Jack The Ripper' on the corner of the paper.

So, the whole thing says that James began to take drugs since the rumors of Jack the Ripper. Jack The Ripper was John, and why the hell John would kill whores, if he already had a very beautiful lover such as Helen. Maybe he only murders the ones that he ever paid so that he covered up the tracks. So that Helen would think that she was his first love, that he never wooed any woman before him.

No.

John had confessed to her, that he ever enjoys the services of some whores, when he was still young and mindless. When he was still one of the bad boys at school.

The effect of the source blood had over John was… atrocious. The rage inside him will have a thirst of some kind of… to kill people… every time he uses his power.

Since the five had known that John was the famous Jack The Ripper, they began to split up. Nigel and Nikola were ashamed on their friend, their colleague. James tried to find a way to cure John, but there was just possibly… no way. It is categorized as impossible to cure John's rage. Since then, each of them began to fake their deaths, and spread out around the globe.

So the thought Helen had continues… till the end. Nigel. Nigel was the first one who was embarrassed on having a friend. Not an ordinary friend. Jack The Ripper as a friend. He surely never even thought about it.

After finding out his power, he began to rob banks. Why? Because he was immortal, and he need more money to live his longer aged life. All over, it starts when he was injected with the source blood. Again

Nigel had decided to stay with Helen and James, after faking the death of the ingenious and famous scientist, Nikola Tesla. After the Normandy invasion, things had gone… not so smooth after knowing that John was still alive, and Nikola leaving them under his hiding.

His funeral, the real one, was not so exposed. He was known to have died in the mid-Victorian era. Of course, he ages just like James and John. They three will still age, but not as fast as human did. Say it they age in a slower rate. As for her and Nikola, they will not age. Maybe age, but a little, if they grew way too stressed.

Ah, Nikola. She hadn't seen that bloody man for over 6 bloody decades, and at the year 2008, he just popped out of nowhere, bringing her in the middle of the childish fight Nikola had caused with the Cabal. He even never thought about how selfish, arrogant, obnoxious, single minded, egotistic, pompous, insufferable, pesky, bratty, miserable, self-absorbed man he was. Oh great, why the hell did she need to describe him as _detailed_ as that?

OK, to the point. Hate to admit it that she was selfish enough… selfish enough to change his life (Anyway, he likes it). He had been a good friend, a good… best friend, and a good colleague. But when she met him at Rome last three years, maybe she needed to change the status into 'obnoxious best friend' and 'arrogant colleague'. Hell, she knew he wasn't actually that… _bad_. Those were just the mask, the façade he used to cover the real him… the vulnerable _him_. He uses those cheeky smiles, those mad grins, those annoying smirk, those obnoxious attitudes, those … those… et cetera, (what else did he use?) to cover up a wounded, hurt, _insulted _Serbian vampire.

She never knew, every time he gave her that cheeky smile, cheeky command, she felt like… she was home. Even after she found out that she had Jack The Ripper as a fiancé, he was the one who dare to knock on her room door and comfort the sobbing and heartbroken Helen Magnus. He was the one who picked up the scattered broken piece of her heart. Her fragile heart.

She knew since their first kiss, the real one, in front of the scenery of the beautiful New York City, the night before his faked death for a goodbye gift. That bastard had promised her to write to her daily. But, 6 months passed, a year passed, a decade passed, three decades passed by that easily, and 6 decades passed, and she had just enough of his words. Out of the blue, he just came inside her view, and she really wanted to shoot him (which she already done) because of leaving her and the Five for more than 6 decades, with no letters or any information. She was near to make a funeral for him, but realized that they'd got no solid proof that her Serbian friend is dead.

If he knew, she waited in front of her house every morning for more than 8 years, waiting for a postman giving her a mail labeled with Nikola's name, or alias name, on it. He was the one, who caused her to revive Ashley. She couldn't bear the loneliness after John's departure, Nigel's death, and James working in the UK Sanctuary. Although she never given up on waiting for him, but she swore, if he came to her at the future to ask her for her help at world dominations or random trashes he'd been planning, she's going to kill him.

Why, if she told him about how she waited for his letters, for the signs of living Serbian-accented vampire, he would be teasing her, for eternity.

And from the second he showed up at Rome, and tricking her to kiss him, _again_, and when he confessed his love to her, she realized that she was in love with Nikola Tesla.

She thought about it. She got the chance to fix her past. She'd got everything she wanted to fix. The first and major one is going to be, to make her old self realize that Jack The Ripper was her own fiancé. Secondly, she's going to, like it or not, confess her love to the only man who loves her wholeheartedly, Nikola.

But how could she leave her present, how if any of these things will cease to exist? How if later she got back here, her old friend and butler wasn't big guy, her protégé wasn't the psychologist she knew as Will Zimmerman. How if she will never have a daughter named Ashley Magnus. How if any of the surroundings around her ceased to exist? What will happen to Ashley, Will, Henry, Big guy, Kate, and the whole world?

What will happen if she went inside that time portal Adam Worth managed to create with the chollorem device?

And the next thing she knew, she was being eyed on several Englishmen and Englishwomen, and her mind just registered, she was back on the 19th century in London.

**Reviews are soo much appreciated :D**


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